It's my blog and I'll rant if I want to...

Recently there has been a lot of talk in my life about breastfeeding. To top it off, I read this article about taking the free formula samples out of hospitals because it undermines breastfeeding. Let me make one thing clear before I start: I am an advocate for breastfeeding. I breastfed both of my girls. There is no arguing that breastmilk is best. Now, with that said, get off of your high horses you damn extremists! First of all, breastfeeding doesn't come naturally or easily to all women. Sometimes women don't have the time or determination to stick with it. Secondly, some moms have to return to working 6 weeks post partum and don't have the oppertunity to pump at work. Not everyone has a boss willing to give a mom a place or the time to pump. Finally, as a woman, I take great offense to ANYONE telling me what I have to or should do with my body and my baby. Providing a few tiny formula samples at the hospital would in no way convice a mother committed to breastfeeding to 'switch' to formula. That's like saying the free diapers could sway cloth diapering mothers to switch. Or the free bars of soap in the bathroom would pressure you to quit using your luxury shower gel. Get a grip people. My second born, Ava, was a stubborn feeder. My milk supply never came in strong and I struggled everyday to keep it up. I pumped my butt off. I saw a lactation consultant on several occasions. I was advised to supplement with a little formula in order to give myself time to pump and increase my supply. After 6 months I made the choice to switch to formula. I shouldn't be subjected to the glares and rolling eyes when in a restaurant I pull out my powder and mix a bottle. I have read study upon study that states breastmilk is most necessary in the first few weeks and it's 'medicinal' benefits dwindle by the sixth month. Beyond that, it is only a bonding/money saving tool. If i want to throw my money away on overpriced formula, let me be. I have a perfectly healthy 18month old who has had but one ear infection and no other sicknesses or diseases... period. Get off of your high horses. Let mothers be. Stop taking away women's right to choose. I commend the women who breastfeed for the first 11-12 months. It's amazing! It didn't work that way for me. Am I any less of a mother? Let's be appreciative that companies are still willing to 'give' stuff away. If there is something in that free bag that you don't want leave it behind for the next mommy or donate it. Let's stop judging each other and support one another. Being a mom is hard freakin work. It takes a village to raise great kids. I stand behind any mommy, no matter what her feeding preference.

Today's the day...

quick update on the medical shiz... went for my MRI a couple of weeks ago. That was tons o fun - not. Met last week with a neuro-opthamologist at the Cincinnati Eye Institute. He confirmed I definitely have inflamed optic nerves and swelling of the brain. I go today for my spinal tap. A little uneasy about the whole thing. Woke up with a headache and belly ache. Not sure if it's physiological or psychological or both, but it sucks. When the hospital staff starts asking you if you have a DNR and living will during the pre-registration process, it tends to make one nervous. The goal for today's procedure is to establish exactly how much pressure is built up in my spinal fluid and to verify the diagnosis is correct. The specialist made it pretty clear that if I am able to lose a lot of weight in a short amount of time the pressure will be relieved signifigantly. The medications I have been on and off of and the huge weight I have gained in a short period of time is contributing to this fun mess of problems. So anyway, I will report back soon with how the lumbar punction goes and what they find... wish me luck!

if it's not one thing... it's another

So... Friday I woke up and went to the eye doctor for a routine exam. Mostly, I just really needed some new glasses. My current pair are many years old. I did the usual reading of the letters and covering one eye, then another. Everything was checking out just fine. A quick dilation of the eyes and I would be on my way to work in no time. Not so fast. After she looks in each eye, she pushes her chair back and says very matter of factly, "you won't be going into work today." This is when the "Oh SHIT" feeling kicks in. She starts spouting off lots of  big words and talking at a pace I am unable to keep up while in my state of shock. All I hear is cerebral spinal fluid, leaking, brain, blind, death. She quickly starts making phone calls and tells me I will be going straight to a specialist. As in, immediately. I call work to let them know the wonderful news. Then I call my husband, who happened to be off for the day. Finally, she tells me where to go to see this specialist. I head home, cry, talk to my mom, cry, talk to alan, cry, and eventually get the children dropped off and hit the road. I'm still not sure what the heck is wrong with me at this point, but I am sufficiently scared shitless. I arrive at the Tri State Centers for Sight. Everyone in the waiting room is either using a walker, a cane, or has patches over their eyes. I'm not feeling so hot about this place already. After going throught a series of vision tests, questions, eye pressure tests, drops after drops, I finally talk to the doctor. He explains that I have a condition called "bi-lateral optic disc edema" (swelling of my optic nerves) and this is causing "idiopathic intracranial hypertension" (high blood pressure/swelling of the brain). The good news is 'it' has a name, the bad news is, I have it. I go to another room and get injected with some red/yellow fluid that turns my skin yellow, make my veins in my eyes red, and causes me to see things in purple. A million pictures are taken of my eye. I am told to get an MRI of my brain as soon as possible. I am no being sent to a neuro-opthamologist at UC Hospital, Dr. Golnik. He will go over my MRI results and order my spinal tap. Yes, you read that correctly, spinal tap. Apparently this condition is treatable and not permanent, but extremely dangerous. At any moment I could go blind, become paralyzed, or die. Dr. Khaja indicated that as long as my vision is ok, I should be ok. If I start to have blurred, spotty vision I should go the ER. So Tuesday I will have my MRI's. I leave for Vacation for a week on Friday. The doc says I'm good to go and enjoy myself. When I get back I will meet with Dr. Golnik and get the spinal tap. Hopefully, before I know it, things will be treated and better!

You know, I'm really trying to keep a positive attitude about all of this. Perhaps, if I'm able to fight off the low thyroid, rheumatoid arthritis, and weird eye/brain thing now while I'm young... I will be completely healthy in my 70's and beyond! I mean, jeesh, I just wanted some new glasses!!!!!!