weekend update... on tuesday

It's Tuesday and I'm just now getting around to updating. This was a jam-packed weekend, but I enjoyed it. Friday night Alan and I went to Joe's Crab Shack on the river in Newport. We had never been. I don't eat seafood. he loves it. I had some chicken and vegetables that were so-so. He had a big steam pot filled with crab legs, lobster claws, mussels, corn, sausage, and some other crap that sounded terrible to me. He enjoyed it. The atmosphere was the best part. Sitting on the water in beautiful weather while it gets dark is just plain awesome. I also enjoyed a beer. It made me feel kind of funny, but it tasted like heaven in my mouth. We went to see "Our Idiot Brother" with Paul Rudd. I was annoyed. It really wasn't funny. Actually, I am still pissed that I wasted $10, plus a drink, plus my time. I spent the day Saturday catching up with Nicole and baking a cake for Tina's baby shower. Saturday night I went to the movies AGAIN. This time I went with sister in law Rachel to see "Crazy Stupid Love." This redeemed the crap storm from the night before. Ryan Gosling + not wearing a shirt = deeelicious. Steve Carell is funny and Emma Stone is adorable. Go see this one. Sunday was the baby shower I had been working on for Tina. Dr. Seuss themed. It was a great turnout! Can't wait to meet little Karson.

Monday night I took my online final for accounting. It is officially all over. I am just waiting to find out my grade. I can not freaking wait for them to mail me that degree. AHHH, finally. It still feels like I have so much on my plate. I guess the cycle never ends.

"Mom, I have to poop!"

Yesterday I went to Kings Island with my co-workers. My boss got free tickets from her Time Warner representative and there were enough that we could all go and bring someone! It was an amazing time. I really do love the people I work with. We rode pretty much everything. I enjoyed the Diamond Back the most. Nothing like soaring up and down in the air at high speeds. It was a beautiful day to be outside. We got hit by 2 pop-up rain showers, but we were able to take cover and wait them out. Anyway, I got home and my body was screaming in pain from all of the walking. I was way sun-burned (which is totally my fault for forgetting the SPF 100 for my delicate albino like skin), and I was suffering from some killer blisters on my heels. Alan and I fed the girls and put them to bed by 8. I decided I needed a hot bath. I only have a stand up shower in my bathroom so I had to use the girls bathtub. This involved bleaching it first. I'm not saying it was THAT dirty, but let's be honest... kids are dirty little creatures and I was not interested in sitting in that tub without first giving it a heavy cleaning. So I gathered up the dora dolls, elmo toys, foam letters, and bath crayons and I got to work. Once it was shiny and sparkly I filled it up with some really hot water and dumped my milk soak in. I settled in, laid my head back, shut my eyes, and was ready for some solid 'me' time. (are you with me moms... this is one of those times we dream of) I had just taken my first deep breathe and was starting to review my schedule for the week when the door opened. In walks my 4.5 year old. First she looks suprised to see me in her bathtub. I am equally as suprised to see her. I ask her what she needs and she responds, "Mom, I have to poop!" I let out a heavy sigh. I politely ask her to use 'mommy's' potty down the hall. She responds, "I don't like that toilet. This is where I poop." So, she did. While taking her poop she wanted to talk about my 'sunburns' and make sure I was ok. She also wanted to let me know I am allowed to take a bath in her bathroom anytime. She reminisced about the time Alan took a bath with her. After a few minutes of conversation, I asked if she was finished. She decided she was and proceeded to give me the play by play on her wiping issues. She likes to use 2 squares to wipe her 'gina and 4 squares on her butt. I thanked her for her good hygeine. She washed her hands while singing the ABC's and ran back to bed. I decided my bath was over. I stood up, took a quick shower and went downstairs. Alan was nice enough to give me a 5 minutes foot massage before I headed up to bed.

I was reminded last night that you can never turn off the "mommy switch." We might try, even for brief moments, but it's always at least on 'dim.' I can wait 18 more years to take a quiet bath, right?

It's Friday, Friday, Friday...

I hate Rebecca Black for ONE reason, every Friday I can't help but sing her obnoxious song, "Friday." If you haven't heard it or seen the video yet, i have been kind enough to provide it for you below. Not because it's any good, but because if I have to be annoyed with it, everyone should.

So today I turned in my community service project at school. Monday I will attend my LAST class at Cincinnati State... for forever! I must say, it feels damn good. There were so many times that I wanted to quit and walk away from it. I couldn't see the benefit of it. I was sick of all the work. But here I am, so close to being D-O-N-E, done! I know getting an associates degree at the age of 27 isn't really something to be proud of, but at the same time it is. It took a ton of work and committment on my part to do this while working and raising kids (not to mention all the others 'issues' i was handed along the way). Plus, as a bonus, I think I have actually found a career that suits me... soooo.... 2 points for me.

Off to a good start...

Today marks day 4 of not eating like a fat ass. As of Monday I have cut my calorie intake nearly in half. Basically, I stopped eating out for breakfast and lunch. I brought a bag of whole grain english muffins to the office for breakfast. I am lucky enough to have a toaster over at my disposal. I toast them extra crispy and drizzle about a 1/2 tablespoon of honey on one side. I stick them together and pretend I am eating a scrumptious, greasy, cheesy egg mcmuffin. So far, I haven't been too pissed about the change. For lunch all week I have treated myself to grilled chicken salads. Just lettuce, grilled chicken, and lite italian dressing. Yummy! (sarcasm) While the rest of my office is enjoying LaRosa's pizza, Wendy's, and skyline I sit in my corner with my rabbit food. But I'm trying to have a positive attitude about all of this... can you tell? For dinner the past 3 nights I have had: The oriental chicken salad from Applebees, a LITE size chicken and provolone sandwhich from Penn Station, and a bowl of Spaghetti with ground turkey meat sauce. I feel like if I only eat about 400 calories for breakfast and lunch I should get a good dinner in. I have cut my soda intake down to 1per day. I have cut back on simple carbs, sugars, and general crap. I need a lifestyle change, not a diet. I still need 3ways, pepperoni pizza, and hot fudge cakes in my life. It is unrealistic and unfair to give them up 100%. I am trying to make better choices and cut back portions.

Soooo, then there's the exercise thing. I'm still pretty screwed when it comes to working out. The rheumatologist has still not cleared me for anything more than light walking and swimming. Since I don't know how to swim nor have a pool at my disposal, that's out. My walking is supposed to be light, not brisk, and for not more than a half mile. How many people do you know that lose 50lbs walking a half mile at a nice leisurely stroll??? RIGHT!? So, I'm sticking with the food thing for now. Hopefully, at my next appointment I will be cleared to at least walk more. I really would like to be able to jog on a treadmill or use an elliptical. Let me re-phrase... Though I would not be entirely thrilled to work-out harder or longer, I find it would greatly improve my chances of achieving my weight loss goals and thus, I am willing to do it.

What I'm asking from you all is what foods you eat that taste good and aren't a billion calories. Keep in mind, I hate tuna, broccoli, anything that involves a "dip" like ranch or bleu cheese, and desserts that involve fruits other than strawberrys. But I'm not picky at all, right?

The pants I wear

A little back story about me... born and raised in Florence, KY. Two parents, one sister, one brother- both older. I was always the overachiever: good grades, lots of trophies. The 'popular' kids considered me a dork, the 'dorks' considered me popular. I spent most of my youth going to school, twirling baton, dancing, running cross country, and staying out of trouble. I could have gone away to college, but instead, I chose to stay at home (lame, right?) and go to Thomas More College. For me, college was a chance to start over and be whoever I wanted to be. I wanted to be 'cool.' Over the summer, my boobs grew from a barely there 32A to a gigantic 32D. (i blame the years of stunted growth and extreme activity on this late development) This is the time in my life when I started wearing my sexy pants. I wanted everyone to acknowledge my slim 5'5, 115lb frame, and these huge knockers! I was so proud. Then reality set in. After too many long nights and hangovers I eventually stopped going to class. I lasted a little less than 2 years at Thomas More before calling it quits. I briefly enrolled at Northern KY University, but that was a flop too. I had no idea what or who I wanted to be when I grew up. I moved out of my parents house and started working full-time. Say hello to my big girl pants. It wasn't long before I was engaged to my sexy Marine Corps boyfriend and getting married. I put on my wife pants on November 26, 2005. We moved to the North Carolina coast and started our life. I should note: I was still a slim and sexy 118lbs when I got married. By the time we returned from the honeymoon I was at 125lbs. On November 7, 2006 we welcomed our first baby girl, Bailey Rae, and I found my new identity in my mom pants (not to be confused with the dreaded 'mom jeans'). During the pregnancy I had a lot of problems, complications, and sickness. I gained 70lbs. Try not to shreik too loudly. I am embarrased to admit it. It didn't end there though. I had an emergency C-section, almost lost Bailey, and lost way too much blood myself.  The recovery was long and tough, but I came through it with a perfect little girl! A few month after Bailey was born I was still 170lbs or more. I was terrifiied. I had spent my entire 22 years being the 'skinny girl.' Now what? I didn't know how to diet or lose weight. I grew up eating 20 piece chicken mcnuggets and barely breaking 100lbs. This is when reality sets in and I start wearing my FAT pants.  
Fast forward a little bit... Alan gets out of the military and we move back home to Florence, KY. My 28 year old sister has been diagnosed with a terminal brain disease, Fronto Temporal Dementia. I start working full-time as a hairstylist (Got my license while in N.C.). I continue to fight my weight and get down to the high 150's. Life goes on for a while at a pretty 'normal' pace. I find am spending every free second I have with my sister. I am raising Bailey. I am working full-time. And oh yeah, I have gone back to school full-time to finish my degree. My husband? he's around here somewhere. So the weight starts creeping back on, little by little. Next thing I know, I'm pregnant... again. This was not planned. I was on the pill. We were considering not having anymore children, given my first experience. Oh well! God had other plans for us. I feared for my life that I was going to get so fat that I would be one of those people on TV that needed a crane to take me to the hospital. Now, this may be a little melodramatic, but let's not forget the weight I was used to.

On October 27, 2009 my sister died. Hardest thing I've gone through to date. Couldn't have cared less about myself at that time. I spent the winter months getting more and more pregnant and longing more and more to have my sister back. Only one of those things actually happened. On March 26, 2010 I gave birth, via C-section, to my beautiful Ave Charlize. I left the hospital weighing a svelt 190lbs. Once cleared at my 8-week OB/GYN visit I started working out with a trainer immediately! I was working my ass off, literally. I was down to 163lbs. Then things started to change. I stopped losing weight. I was working harder than most people, eating a meticulous diet, and the weight was creeping back on. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! It was also at this point that I realized I was having strange pains throughout my body on a regular basis and I was suffering from chronic headaches. I dealt with all of this for a while. Pretending it wasn't there and waiting for it to go away. It didn't. I went to the doctor... over and over and over again for many months. Tests were run, blood was taken, questions were asked. FINALLY, a diagnosis. 1)my thyroid doesn't function. period. 2)i have aggressive rheumatoid arthritis. 3)i have fibromyalgia resulting from the arthritis. 4)i'm 27 years old and i'm screwed.

This brings me to today. Today I wear the following pants: wife, working mom, student, fat, and sick. On any given day, I can wear any or all of my pants. Because of my diseases I take a fun cocktail of medications. My favorite has been nicknamed "the death drug." I take this one on Saturdays only. It consists of 6 pills in one setting. It is a low-dose chemotherapy. It blows. It is because of this drug that I can no longer drink alcohol- at all- ever- period. I would have preferred to lose my right arm. I want my wine back!!! Anyway, over the course of the past few months I have packed on more pounds. I am now a very chubby, gulp, 190something pounds. Welp, there it is. 

It is my mission, through this blog, to share this hilarious thing I call my life. I'm going to give it all to you. My struggles with weight and weight loss. My struggles with the diseases. My drama at work. My efforts to finish my degree. The hilarious antics of my kids. EVERYTHING! I hope to offer others support and laughter. I mean, there's no point being depressed about it. Might as well get up, put on my fat pants, and get on with life!  Sorry to bog you down with such a HUGE first entry. I will try to keep the rest of them short and sweet... try...